Snoopy and MetLife: A Tumultuous Twosome

By this time everybody is aware that MetLife has announced its separation from the beloved Peanuts icon Snoopy. This split has been in the offing for quite some time now, and I think it comes as no surprise to even the most casual observer that the day has come. The only surprise here is the outpouring of support for the soon-to-be-jobless beagle accompanied by a veritable tidal-wave of nostalgia. In celebration of his over 30-years of humble servitude to MetLife, I’d like to take a moment to reflect on how we got here.

The year was 1985; Vietnam had maybe just ended or possibly just begun, who knows, the point is that the United States was is disarray. Across the nation customers of MetLife were panicking, as they were injured, killed, and robbed, but had no idea which cartoon to report these chaotic happenings to. Enter Snoopy. With the wounds of WWII still 40-years fresh, Snoopy was the obvious choice. Beagles are still widely recognized as the natural enemy of the Nazi party, just as they were back then. This reputation was earned as beagles survived off exclusively sauerkraut during the great depression. When the great depression ended, the beagles taste for kraut did not, and only the Nazis would sate their hunger. I digress. Snoopy and MetLife were seemingly made for each other. Beyond the symbolism of the lovable American character, there were also practical considerations. The MetLife blimp had been floating aimlessly around the world for years, and Snoopy was a proven pilot having brought down the insidious Red Baron. Once the contract was inked, the country breathed a collective sigh of relief, and a golden age began. But it wasn’t meant to last.

In 1997 Snoopy began to question his relationship with MetLife. MetLife was getting into the cocaine culture, and Snoopy wasn’t sure he could ever pull her out of it. Rumors swirled that a split was coming. One particularly grizzly episode found our black-and-white beau ideal carrying MetLife out of the Apollo theater; blood running freely down her face as an overdose took hold. Despite these travails, Snoopy and MetLife persisted. Separation proved to be the impetus MetLife needed, and while Snoopy circled the globe in the blimp, MetLife settled down and really found herself, ya know? Miraculously the dawn of the 21st century found MetLife and Snoopy welcoming their first child into the world. Sadly the child would pass away, half corporation and half beagle, as it was an abomination unfit for the world.

After the passing of little Snoop Life it was only a matter of time. Weezer had provided the guidance, and now MetLife was pulling the string as Snoopy slowly ambled away over the last 15 years. His sweater was eventually ruined beyond repair.

Should we lament the loss of an iconic American duo? Yes, for a time. Let us not forgot all the good they did us, all the funerals they paid for, all the affordable coverage they provided. So yes, let us mourn, but once the dirge fades away and the tears dry, let’s just hope the next duo make us feel so deeply.

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