You’re a Harry, Wizard!

J.K. Rowling is back at it again with her latest installment of the wizarding world in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. If I could describe the movie in one world: fuckingamazing. I attended the opening premier at Lincoln Center in New York City this past Thursday, at the request of Joanne herself of course. She said, in an owl-delivered letter, “Ka Hin, the opening night for my new movie is this Thursday and I want you to be there since you’re my best friend.” At the time, I had no idea what a magical night Joanne had in store for me.

Skip to the start of the film. One moment I’m sitting in my seat and the next I’m living in a world of sorcery, where I can forget all the struggles of being a muggle. My imagination gets kickstarted to hyperdrive. It’s as if I was brain dead and trapped in the Matrix but now I am free and can suspend all disbelief. Can you imagine the possibilities if I had magical powers? I could apparate (teleport in muggle term) anywhere I want in a split second. This means I can get up at 8:30am in the morning, snooze for 10 minutes, get out of bed at 8:40am, brush my teeth, take a shit, eat a cup of Chobani yogurt, drink my protein shake, and get dressed by about 8:58am. Then I would just apparate to work and get there BEFORE 9am! Eight hours of sleep is ideal but I can fully function on six to seven hours. In other words, I can go to bed at around 2:30am if I were to wake up at 8:30am. That’s an extra 1.5 to 2 hours of time for me to do anything. I can finish playing my Gears of War Ultimate Edition on Xbox One, play some Counter Strike, finish watching It’s Always Sunny, read my Kindle, jerk off again, write my next Otter Room article, browse more Reddit, or start practicing guitar. There really is no limit to what I can accomplish with the extra hours.

Anyways, I digress. The characters in this film are truly amazing; you will fall in love with them. The beasts that Joanne dreamt up are similar to the animals that we have in real life but a little more magical – still cool though. Grindelwald is the new villain and he’s a total badass. In summary, it’s an incredible film. However, I do have one huge issue with the film. I didn’t get to see Hermonie’s boobs so I wouldn’t waste my time with this movie – 2/10 would not watch again.

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