Travis Kelce is a Monster

I think we can finally all agree on what we have suspected for a long time: Travis Kelce is a monster with no redeemable qualities. No, this is not simply because he has a reality show on E! called Catching Kelce, making him the spiritual relative of all the Kardashians. (Side note: If all it takes to have a successful show is alliteration and a top-ten tight end, then I have the first hit for the Trump News Network: Groping Gronkowski. He actually might be into it.) But no, Kelce may have gotten a pass for his dating antics had it not been his flagrant attempted murder of a ref on Sunday. Throwing a towel at an official should not be taken lightly, ejection from the game is likely the first step, only the days ahead will show what charges are pressed against him.


I grew up on the mean streets of Alexandria, VA, so I think I have a little bit of credibility when it comes to weapon choice. Traveling to and from school was like traversing a warzone, and would often end up in a scenario like this. You’ll notice in that linked documentary about my youth that no one is using a towel to fight. Well, in my hood at least (703 represent), we banned towels from fights because it just provided too much of an unfair advantage. So given my history with towels, you can understand my horror at Mr. Kelce’s actions. I mean how am I going to explain that to my hypothetical children. The entire Kansas City organization should be ashamed of themselves.

What you just read is what us in the biz like to refer to as sarcasm; it was very subtle and I understand if it was lost on you. For real though, I’ll echo what seems to be the vast majority of football fans: The NFL is becoming less fun. It seems that the refs are overcalling things that aren’t happening, while otherwise missing flagrant offenses. (I’m looking at you every ref that is supposed to call Roughing the Passer for Cam Newton.) Travis Kelce was mad about another blatantly missed call and threw a piece of cloth in the general direction of what might as well have been a Footlocker employee. I can see how you have to penalize for disrespect, but ejection is overboard.

If the referees want respect, though, they have to earn it. I know it’s fun to talk about how Ed “always arm day” Hochuli is a lawyer by day, but not having full-time refs is getting to be a little old. If we are going to hire refs by High School rules, than we should also institute a mercy rule so that I don’t have to sit through another Super Bowl with a 40-point spread. Until then, I say the players should shower the refs with more towels, at least then they’ll have some sort of excuse for missing obvious calls.

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