After Decades of Waiting They Finally Win One

What a time to be alive: the Cubs end a drought that began during the Teddy Roosevelt administration, there’s a 90% chance that no matter who wins the next president will be a lizard person, and J. Cole went platinum without any features. Lost in this epic, if not cataclysmic year, is that the Redskins finally picked up a win in Free Agency. Now I hate the Redskins (which sounds very racist, but I promise is not meant to be) more than almost any team in sports, and I happen to be a Panthers fan, so this hurts to admit, but Josh Norman seems to be actually shaping out. He’s giving up something like 50 yards a game with an interception and a forced fumble to boot. So, as a form of catharsis, I’d like to walk through the hundreds of millions of wasted dollars that it took to get here.

1. Deion Sanders – $55 Million is a lot of money, even to a legend like Sanders. It’s especially a lot of money to a 32-year-old cornerback that had lost much of his speed, and would only play one year of his contract.
2. Adam Archuleta – The former St. Louis standout would also only play one year of his $30 Million contract, a contract that made him the highest paid safety in the league.
3. Antwaan Randle El – While generally considered a nice guy, he was not worth the $31 Million he was given in 2006. A college quarterback, maybe Randle El was picked up in case the Patrick Ramsey or Jason Campbell route didn’t pan out. I don’t know how he could’ve been much worse.
4. Mark Brunel- This is kind of a combination Brunel/Mcnabb/George spot. The Redskins have a knack for bringing in past their prime QBs, putting them behind awful O-Lines, and paying them like they are 25 year old stars
5. Albert Haynesworth – This is not a joke, when I’m feeling down for some reason, need a distraction, or just trying to relax and go to my happy place, I think about the contract that the Redskins gave Haynesworth. There is just so much here. His inability to get in shape, maybe the Redskins should’ve taken a note from the Packers and got him into P90X. His terrible attitude his entire time with the team. The fact that he played only 20 games of a seven-year contract. Or best of all, the $100 Million contract with $40 Million guaranteed. Snyder’s ineptitude basically guaranteed Haynesworth ability to not work and treat the Cheesecake Factory as an all-you-can-eat buffet for the rest of his life.

Sadly, even with all of this, I still have to admit: Josh Norman was a good pick-up. But as they say, a broken clock is right twice a day, and I don’t think I’ll have to wait long for another of Snyder’s trademark ridiculous signings.

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